Choosing Life!

Hi Everyone!

Climbing Pinnacles

This week a women I went to High School with killed herself.  She was a grade behind me.  She had grown up changed her name and by all accounts made something of herself.  She was a little bit famous so her death was all over the news.  I didn't know her well but I can't help but reflect on her life and death.  What makes someone who seems to have everything lose hope?  We were raised in the same church and had a similar childhood.  We were taught faith and turning to God in times of trouble.  She had a family that loved her- maybe they didn't like all her choices in life, (who has parents that do?) but they loved her.  If the reports are accurate she had a companion and friends that loved her.  Now I know some people suffer from depression and I could speculate about her, but I won't.  It just leaves lots of unanswered questions in my mind.  I'm in the fight of my life!  Sometimes I have been in so much pain that I felt I wasn't living.  But I fight on, with everything I have!  I want to see my kids grow up!  I want to hold my grand kids someday-if they give me some, lol.  I want to go to the beach, sit in the sun, ride my bike, hike, travel, play in the snow and do everything life offers me!  I want to make new friends and catch up with old ones.  I want to clime Pinnacles!  One of my "BIG" dreams but I haven't climbed for oh, 19 years, so I will have to get in shape for that!

Pinnacles National Monument, California

Update On Me

It's been a crazy few months for me!  I've learned a lot as I've gone through ups and downs of fighting cancer.

Did you know you can have two much calcium?  I didn't but now I know.

This year has been hard on my health.  But this last few months has been the hardest.  I have had to swallow my pride-and yes I was prideful.  I didn't know I was but being put in a position where you can't do basic things lets you see your pride as you swallow hard.   I had to let the sisters from church and neighbors (all of whom I consider friends) bring in meals and drive the kids everywhere.  I couldn't clean house or cook or anything.  I am down to 112 lbs.  I have had 4 blood transfusions since Christmas and my calcium level in my blood got so high that I was in the E.R. because they thought I would go into a coma or die.  I have been in and out of the ER and could tell you which ones are best to visit.  I had to go to the IV center for fluids everyday and they gave me an IV drug that caused me to have depression and extreme pain for over a month.  In fact I still have some pain and my doctor said that it can last for several months.  So we are trying to find a good pain regimen for me to be on.  I may even go for some needles in my back, ha ha.

My doctor told me that the high calcium levels meant I didn't have much time left.  We did lots of tests.  After my ultra sound the doctor said there was cancer in my liver and my spleen.  When you are under the effects of a treatment that causes depression, that is not a good thing to tell someone.  That day I let everyone have it.  I was on heavy pain medication that was effecting my liver and made me very loopy.  

I couldn't take asking for more help so I told the kids "That's it!  We are not going to school for the week!"  When I was a kid I would have been thrilled if my mother said that, but not my kidos- didn't I know what they would be missing!  I had a revolt on my hands and was not prepared physically or emotionally to fight them.  Just after I had my rant (like 5 min.) a friend  from Church called and said "We will be taking your kids to school and we will be bringing in meals, just give us the schedule   She was having no nonsense from me!  It was perfect timing-how could she know the state I was in?  Several women gave the girls their phone numbers and said call us if you need anything.  And believe me my kids did!  If they thought I was not getting back from the IV center fast enough-a call was made and someone came!  I would pull up as my kid drove away.  They took everything out of my hands so I could rest and heal.  It was the ministering of Angles!  I am very blest and have felt such an outpouring of Christlike love and service.  My family will never forget!  My husbands co-workers stepped up and told him whatever time you need, whatever you need!  They were and are wonderful!

More tests were needed to confirm the ultra-sound results.  And I began looking for other guidance  I started to go to an alternative doctor and follow his advice along with my other doctors.  It has been very helpful and he is in the area.  Makes life easier.  Then we had a pet scan.  It's the most accurate cancer test you can get but also the most radiation in a test.   I had to wait 3 weeks for the results.  It was a long 3 weeks, but I felt that if it was really bad and anything could be done they would call me.

I finally got the results of the test on a Monday morning.  My doctor was very surprised!  There was no cancer in my liver or spleen.  The original cancer had grown but by very little.  I have two new spots one on the spine and one on a rib.  The doctor thinks that the drug she gave me most likely got rid of them.  I have an increased uptake in my bone marrow.  That can be caused by the anemia or cancer in the bone marrow.  The only way to tell is with a bone marrow biopsy.  It would not change my treatment options so I'm not going to go through the pain, time and expense to have one.  For some reason when you have cancer the primary place it starts in determines the treatment.  Some new studies have shown that the cancer changes as it moves through your body.  But for now breast cancer is breast cancer even if it has become bone marrow cancer.  So I will never be a candidate for a bone marrow transplant even if it could turn my cancer around. I'm also stage 4 so the traditional oncologist believes I am un-savable,  they can only slow the cancer down and give me more time.  

My labs have normalized except for my liver and my platelet count.  I have to work on that.  I do have high cancer markers but that's normal for me (they have dropped a little as well)  The way I have been feeling doesn't fit with the results.  But for a small amount of people the effects of the drug (zometa) can last for months and I'm in that number.  The doctor wanted me to go in monthly to have an IV of the zometa.  But my calcium levels have normalized and unless they go up again I will avoid the zometa.  It may have saved my life but after the drug I was a mess and I was not living for over a month.  And like I said before, I still have side effects from it.

We are working on setting up a good pain management system.   Hopefully I will not need it long term.  I also have a new exercise routine to build my strength back-so I can eventually get back to my yoga.  I'm planing a few short trips to began and end the summer but my big goal is to work on building my strength over the summer and not worrying about company coming or vacations.  Then by the fall I hope to be my old self again!

These test results are a miracle! An answer  to all of the prayers and faith that have been offered.  It is the best case that could be!  I have been very blest.  Thank you for all the prayers.  Of course I don't know what the future will bring and I know I must keep up the fight, faith, listening to the spirit and working on my health.

Good Reads

I don't know what health or other struggles you or your loved ones may be going through but I would like to suggest some good reads.  I think these books are good for everyone.

The first is a book written by researcher Dr. Kelly Turner.  I have talked about her work before.   Now I know her book is about cancer but I think it could be applied to other health issues and is just good information.  The book and research started out being called "Unexpected Remissions" but was later changed to "Radical Remissions"  Doctors call them unexpected because these individuals like me are expected to die from cancer.  It was found that they all were doing 9 things-that's where the radical comes from!  The book just came out and here is a link to the trailer, enjoy!

Hear all about "Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds," Dr. Kelly Turner's new book which goes on sale on March 18th, 2014 
Book Trailer-"Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer against all odds"

This book I think is one of the best guidelines for fighting cancer out there.  

The other book is called "Hope Beyond Reason" by Dave Hess."  A good friend of mine who is going through much of the same struggle as me, sent me a copy.  It is short and easy to read but it's like a textbook in a way.  He asks a questions and gives you room in the book to journal your feelings about it.   If you journal in it you will get the most out of it but it will take you more time to get to the end.

Dave Hess is a Pastor so if you don't want a lot of Scripture the book will not be for you.  Being a christen I would say it is a wonderful book for anyone going through any kind of struggle, christen or not.  On the cover it said "Embraced by God's Presence in the Toughest of Times".  It just so happens that Dave had cancer and that was his struggle.  By doctors accounts he should not be here today, but he is!  I was blest to receive this gift while I was going through my last big struggle.  It is inspiring, thought provoking and gives me hope.  We are not left alone even if at times we feel alone.

Well that is an update on me.  I hope that whatever challenges you may be going through you will remember that life is worth the fight!  There is always a brighter day on the way and sometimes our struggles leave us in a better place to help and understand others. 

Choose Life!

Jean